The year we returned from Haiti, the group struggled to adjust back to normal life. It’s not uncommon to struggle with feelings of guilt or sadness, because once we see just how challenging meeting even basic needs can be in other parts of the world, it feels unfair to return home to a life where they have never been unmet.
We made it back to the U.S. late on July 11, and for the first few days in particular, I struggled greatly with these feelings. I felt like it was still necessary to take cold showers even though there was hot water available; I didn’t want to go shopping for dorm supplies; and I wanted to limit my food because it felt wrong to have so much when I had just been around other kids my age who had so little. It’s not rational or logical to act this way; my using hot water or eating the food at home wasn’t taking away from the kids I had just been with, but at the time, it felt like an actionable way to not coast back into life as usual.
A few days after this, on July 16, was my 18th birthday. I could tell my family was walking on eggshells around me, because my demeanor and focus were so far off from being celebratory. I was already so focused on solving the insolvable – trying to figure out why I had so much and others had so little, and how I could have gone my entire childhood not realizing or appreciating this. They couldn’t even bring up the idea of celebrating without getting a lecture from me. Everything in the world suddenly turned upside down because everything felt unfair. Once we can put names and faces to abstract struggles and issues, they’re not so easy to ignore. I cancelled my birthday party and warned my family that I would not accept any gifts. It felt too wrong.
I spent most of the day with Olivia, then spent the night at rehearsal for a local theater production I was helping stage manage. When I got home, my (incredible and very patient) family had a small, simple cupcake for me and sang to me before telling me they had one thing they wanted to give me. I quickly got annoyed, feeling like the were ignoring my wishes, but my mom handed me a card and told me to just see what it was before I got upset.
I opened the card, and inside was a folded up piece of paper showing a receipt for a sponsorship through the Mortel High Hopes for Haiti Foundation. One of the kids who had been at camp with us would be assigned to have my family as a sponsor, and our donation would pay for their education, supplies, and food for the entire year.
To this day, I don’t think I’ve ever received a more meaningful gift. Being a sponsor not only has helped me feel like my family is contributing to something tangible and meaningful, but it also helps me stay connected with Haiti. Throughout the year, we receive hand-written letters from the child we sponsor, report cards detailing his progress, and updates on the school and country. It ensures that, even when life gets at its busiest, I have reminders to help me focus on giving thanks for the blessings in my life and staying focused on working toward a life and career that will allow me to try and improve them for others.
Each year since, my family has continued this tradition, gifting me with continued sponsorship of our student. As the years have gone on, we’ve gotten to see his letters and interests evolve and prosper. I kept them hanging on my desk in my dorm during the school year and love knowing that no matter how far away Haiti can sometimes feel, my family has given me this opportunity to remain connected and given the most important gift one can to a child there.
Sponsorship to me was about so much more than the money. It’s what started my realization of needing to accept the things that cannot be changed but having the courage and drive to change what I can. It showed me that there are ways – real ways – to help and make a difference in Haiti that didn’t involve punishing myself for what I was given in life. These are lessons that everyone can contribute to, through reflection, through education, and through prayer. And, for anyone interested, the Mortel High Hopes for Haiti Foundation is always looking for individuals to sponsor children at the LBS school. If you’re interested in learning more or sponsoring your own student, please visit: https://highhopesforhaiti.org/donate/be-a-sponsor/
To donate to the 11 Days in Haiti Campaign, click here.